Dealing Hope

October 15, 2020

Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Day

I'm WillowjakMama!

My blog started as a way to document my journey to wellness, but turned into a place to be inspired by others through our collective messy & authentic stories. Now it's my favourite place to be.

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Editor’s Note: Possible Trigger Warning. In recognition of this day, I wanted to honour it somehow and came across my friend Truly’s Facebook post, where she linked back to a blog she wrote in 2013 (you can also read it HERE). Our Willowjak platform endeavours to be a forum from which many different perspectives can be shared. I hope that our readers will take some comfort from Truly’s sharing, or maybe you might be inspired to think more about the notion of ‘spirit’. Truly is well known in the Durham Region for her profession as a public psychic and medium. More information about Truly can be found in her short bio at the bottom of this post and we hope that she might soon join us with some more posts.

If you are struggling, or grieving today, you are not alone and we support you. If you live in Canada and would like more information on resources and supports, please visit: and be well.

Miscarriage, Stillbirth & Abortion

Never in all my years did I imagine this would be my most popular blog, but when I think about it makes sense. People do not talk about this subject. Maybe its too hard to verbalize, maybe we respect our social norms too much. Either way I am glad that we as a society are becoming more vocal about our feelings and experiences.  Jean Vanier once said “I am struck by how sharing our weakness and difficulties is more nourishing to others than sharing our qualities and successes”. It’s true.

So since this blog was written, I have lost the opportunity of  3 more children, making it 9 in total. Sigh, yes, even though I know they are with me, my heart still hurts. But I like to think it hurts a little less because I know they are with me.  I hope you find comfort, whether it is because of this information or not doesn’t matter, just that you find peace.  Much love, xo T

“The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.”

Elisabeth Kubler-Ross

I realize that I will probably receive a lot of comments about this blog. Hopefully my readers understand that I am not meaning to offend, I’m simply explaining what I know. I myself have lost the opportunity of 6 children in my life time. Although losing them was not easy, I was thankful for the opportunity to love them so much more than I had loved anyone or anything before. I am writing this blog because I have been asked by so many to explain what happened. Keep in mind, each person’s story is different, and yet we all need a better understanding of what has happened.

There can be many reasons why a child dies. It is NEVER FAIR to the parent. The spirit of a child has free will, just as you and I do. All manifestations of life do.

The soul of a child exists well before actual conception. Each soul picks their parents (I have written of this before in a blog about personal responsibility). We choose our parents because they can help us learn the lessons we need to grow. We choose our mother 1st. I like to think it’s because she literally ‘grows’ us in her body & then nourishes our body with her milk. That’s just my thoughts. We choose our father just the same as our mother. We will learn many things from him & he is just as important. 

The Dictionary defines Miscarriage as the spontaneous or unplanned expulsion of a fetus from the womb before it is able to survive independently. Still birth being defined as the birth of an infant that has died in the womb (strictly, after having survived through at least the first 28 weeks of pregnancy, earlier instances being regarded as abortion or miscarriage). I like to think of the definition of both of these tragedies as the loss of a beautiful opportunity to learn and love.

After my 2nd miscarriage (as I told no one of the 1st), I was extremely distraught. I sought guidance from the one person who has always supported me, my mother.  She gave me the explanation that I have heard from many other spiritual people. “There was something wrong with the baby, and it was called home”.  Seemed simple enough, but I wanted more. I started looking at the process of life. How we got here. After many conversations with my spirit guides and loved ones that I have lost, I was reminded that we all have free will. Our free will begins before conception, when we chose to experience life (on our terms). I have found that in most cases of miscarriage, when the spirit was choosing its life lessons, they chose to few. These life lessons were completed all in a short time, without leaving the mother’s womb. If we go back to the model that most spirits choose 25 life lessons or themes to work on while here, and then we look at the life of a spirit that ended before it was ‘able to survive independently’, we know that it most likely only chose 2 or 3 life lessons. Most of the time, this is done on purpose. The spirit needs to experience one or two specific lessons in order to grow. The most common of those lessons is Unconditional Love. Once these lessons have been completed, the spirit is then given the opportunity to go ‘home’ and start again. Having the free will to choose as many lessons he or she desires.

Now, abortion is a bit of a different story. Because each spirit chooses its parents, & can see the life path of those parents, it knows that there is a very good chance that it will not have the opportunity to fully manifest in this lifetime. This comes down to the free will of the mother. This spirit would have known that there was the possibility that the mother would not be able to bring it to fruition for whatever reason.

How we lost the child really has less to do with us & more to do with that child’s spiritual journey. Most mothers hurt emotionally more than physically after this loss. My belief is that the spirit of that child stays in the aura or etheric field of the mother until such time that she can manifest a new opportunity for it to return. Unfortunately sometimes it takes a few opportunities before the spirit can fully manifest. It took 4 opportunities for my Tom to manifest. It took 3 for Graham & I still have a spirit in waiting.

What happens when the spirit cannot manifest (the mother does not become pregnant again or is unable to carry to term)? The spirit stays with the mother (in the auric field), until such time that she returns home.

Essentially ladies, our babies never leave us. 

Now, being a mother & having experienced this loss, in my mediumship practice I rarely bring this topic up as I know how painful it can be. I never know what or who to expect when I work, but I rarely hear from these spirits. If they do come forward they don’t speak, they just show themselves (think of a bubble of light or orb). This type of loss is very common, but because of its delicate nature, most mediums will not bring it up. Mediums are funny creatures, most being extremely sensitive & empathetic, therefore they don’t want to stir the emotional pot too much.

Anyway, I certainly hope that I have helped some of you heal & have given you a better understanding of this delicate topic. As always I welcome your thoughts & comments. Love & Light, Truly

“Look at your track record: You have survived 100% of everything in your life so far. So there is a very high chance you are going to survive anything that’s to come.”

~ Unknown

Truly M.

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Hi, I'm Stacey.
Welcome to the
Willowjak Blog 

My blog started as a way to document my journey to wellness, but turned into a place to be inspired by others through our collective messy & authentic stories. We chat about themes that are often ignored and voices that aren't often given a chance at the mic. Now it's my favourite place to be. 

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