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Hola a mi communidad (hello to my community),
I hope you are feeling well since you have visited our website. As I searched to write this week’s blog I found something old. A journal I wrote many years ago. And it’s still relevant to my journey. So I share with you my thoughts from thirteen years ago.
February 5, 2007 @ 12:10pm
“It’s been a long week and it’s not over yet. I’ve been very emotional these days and it covers everything going on in my life. I’m stressed over my career, my personal life and my family. It’s very difficult for me to express and communicate my personal emotions out loud and openly. I don’t trust anyone and that’s my fault. Still, it’s everyone’s fault too. Console me and I will trust you. Betray me and I will never talk to you. This statement is for those who are close to me and don’t know. It’s something I don’t tell and expect my friends to know. That’s not fair to them. I’m still working on it. It is really hard to overcome some personal issues. Especially when you know you must to live a healthy life. It is difficult to overcome sometimes when someone close to me betrays or rejects me. I go into defensive mode, raise my walls and bring out the sharp tongue. It has caused so many tears. I can’t continue mistrusting my friends. It hurts them. Maybe I just need to work and try to get all this mess out of my mind. Sometimes distraction from your problems are necessary to solve them. Too much thinking is bad for your health is what I always say. But when time is all you have, well thinking is all you do. For the first time I’m beginning to regret some of my previous actions. I wish I could take them back. Take back the words, the tears, the pain and the sorrow I have caused and provoked.”
Whoa! Finding this old journal was uplifting. I mean, I wanted to make changes back then but I was uncertain. And I didn’t know what resources were available. Also, at that time, men seeking help for “mental health issues” was not something discussed among us. Again, it was hard to trust someone with this topic. It was hard to be vulnerable.
But that was then and this is now.
I’m so happy to have my friend, Andrés, with me in writing on this website. I am stating the obvious when I note that I have a lot more women than men, who were willing to expose their vulnerabilities in this way. When Andres discusses masculinity as it relates to seeking help for mental health, it reminded me of a famed therapist that I was introduced to by my cousin, Jennie (who I hope will someday write on here with us!), who is a Clinical Social Worker and Relational Life Therapist.
His name is Terrence Real, and he is well known for his book:
For an introduction to Terrence’s work, here is a video from 1997 that I think is the worth the watch.
“Famed therapist and author Terrence Real discusses the modern struggle to grapple with masculinity, spoken just before the release of his bestseller “I Don’t Want To Talk About It: Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression.”
I am first generation Afro Latino Canadian. First of my kind every time I walked into any room. I am rebuilding myself from the foundation up and started therapy to heal and break my cultural and family cycles. I am on a journey of healing and I hope to share it so others will know they are not alone anymore.